


Dude

by poptartkittywoman



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alcohol, Dirty 30 AU, Drug Use, M/M, rhink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:43:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poptartkittywoman/pseuds/poptartkittywoman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two friends attend a house party for their friend’s birthday and see things in each other they normally wouldn’t.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dude

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the upcoming Dirty 30 Movie. Also, since we don’t know the names of “Dude #1” and “Dude #2”, I went ahead and kept their names as Rhett and Link.

Two dudes entered the house party.

One dude, the bearded one, wore an organic beanie cap that partially hid his eyes and a woven hoodie that had seen better days at music festivals. The other dude, the dark-haired one, wore a short sleeved, button-down shirt that was one size too big on his wiry frame, along with a pair of camouflage cargo shorts he must have purchased when he was twelve; his dark hair also looked like a middle-parted bird’s nest. Both dudes’ mouths hung half open, as if in a permanent stupor.

“Dude,” the dark-haired one uttered.

The bearded one replied, “Dude.”

It was hard to tell if they liked the atmosphere they had entered: thumping music from an overzealous DJ shouting in German behind the turntable; shades of purple and pink from lanterns and Mardi Gras beads hung around the house; and a wide assortment of people well into party mode.

“I’m so glad we pre-gamed.” The bearded one shook his head.

“Yeah…” The dark-haired one stuffed his hands into his pockets and slouched in a feeble attempt to shrink his tall body. “I didn’t realize it was going to be this kind of party. Good thing I didn’t bring my dice with me.” Despite the sizable bottle he’d drunk before they arrived, the skinnier dude still felt acutely anxious around people he didn’t know. They were only here for their friend, the birthday girl.

“Pffft, you and your dice.” The bearded dude playfully punched him in the arm. “This ain’t D&D night at the comic shop, brah.” The bearded one took one small step away from where they stood by the front entrance of the big house. “I’mma dice up that cheese plate over there.”

The dark-haired dude nervously gripped his buddy’s arm. “Don’t leave me here alone, man.”

“Dude, of course not! Come on—” The bearded one lead his buddy into the battlefront of partygoers with the one thing on his mind that was motivating him at the moment: the food and drinks. ( _Okay, that’s two things, dude_ , he thought, _but whatever._ )

They arrived at the treasure trove of assorted party fare: cheese, crackers, finger sandwiches, chips and dip, and what looked like a month’s supply of soft drinks and booze all on one dining table. The bearded dude helped himself to a small plate of cheese and a couple sandwiches before making a beeline for the amaretto. The dark-haired dude stood there with his own food plate and found comfort in standing against the adjacent wall, even though a younger couple started to make out not even three feet away from him. So he went and joined his bearded friend by the drinks, and the two ate and drank their own mixed drinks until they felt drunk enough to dance to the music.

“Hey, hey, hey,” a familiar female voice sang over the pumping music. “It’s my two favorite stoners!!!”

The two dudes turned and saw a woman, arms outstretched for a hug, with strawberry blonde curls, a pink, fuzzy tiara on her head, and a t-shirt that had “Partee Tyme!” printed on it.

“Graaace!” they both greeted her. They all hugged, which was a comical sight: like a little girl hugging two trees. “Happy birthday!!” they both greeted.

“I knew y’guys would be guzzling up the food,” the birthday girl joked. Being the celebrant, she was allowed to be more fun-loving and free tonight. But something about her seemed more lackadaisical in her fluid movements and swaying posture—perhaps too much “partee tyme.”

The bearded one finished chewing his last cube of cheese before saying, “Sorry we’re late, we, uh, had to get gas and got stuck at a Circle K.”

“We don’t even have a gift for you,” the dark-haired one lamented.

“Aw, Link,” Grace patted the dark-haired dude on the back, “don’t you and Rhett worry about it.” She kept her arms draped around their waists while she looked up at them. “The fact y’guys came here on a Saturday night in LA is a gift! Your presence is my presentz,” Grace managed to slur some of her words. “In fact—!” She let go of them and started rummaging in her pants pockets. “I’ve got a treat for ya. Some dude who’s a friend of Hannah’s randomly offered me, like, all these tabs I didn’t want—”

She pulled out a small ziplock bag which contained two small pink squares that resembled miniature postage stamps. Both of them had funny-looking smiley faces printed on them.

“—so I took two of ‘em saying I’d take ‘em for ‘me and my fiance’, right? Just to be polite. But I figured y’guys would enjoy ‘em more so—” A brief second passed before she blurted in intoxicated glee, “—HAVE FUN!”

The two dudes looked at the ziplock baggy with bulging eyes and parted mouths.

“Dude.” Link shrank back from the baggy.

“DUDE, we’ll take it!” Rhett snatched the baggy from Grace’s loose grip.

“Awwwesome.” Grace gave them two thumbs up. “Well, I’ll see y’all later—gotta keep making the rounds ‘round here. Pretty sure I don’t know half these peeps...” she kept rambling almost indecipherably. “...and don’t throw up on my bed again, guys, HAVE FUN!”

The two dudes just stared at their friend leaving, then back at each other.

“We are dropping this acid like a hot potato,” Rhett spoke in what was the fastest Link had ever heard him speak. The bearded one grabbed Link by the wrist, and the two started barreling through the crowd.

“NO, dude, what, no?” Link haplessly sputtered. “I’ve never done acid before? Like, we don’t even know if that’s real? And where are we going?” His upward inflections made him sound more scared than he was. He looked down at Rhett’s hand around his limp wrist and that seemed to cause more panic in the man.

Rhett turned to him once they got to the bottom of the staircase. “A safe place,” he said reverently. “Probably the best place to drop it, based on my experience.”

“ _What?!_ ” Link yelped as they went up the steps. Somehow despite his protests, Link wasn’t doing much to physically resist his bearded friend. He felt like a lamb being led to slaughter. “Dude, I thought you never did anything that we hadn’t tried together?”

“It was my summer abroad in Europe, man,” Rhett retorted, “y’know how crazy it is there.”

“But Rhett—”

“Don’t ‘but Rhett’ me, we’ll be fine!”

They eventually found a bathroom upstairs, a yellowish rectangle of a room with pastel towels, a marble sink, and a clawfoot bathtub. Rhett shut the door so excitedly Link went ahead and locked the door behind them, his sweaty hands sticking to the knob.

“Dude, I’m so nervous,” Link confessed.

Rhett proceeded to open the baggy. “Brah. All we gotta do is put these things under our tongues for, like, five minutes. Then it’ll kick in in about ten or twenty, and then we just enjoy the ride.” He had one tab between his index and thumb and held the other out to Link. “It’ll only last through the night, and we got nowhere to be tomorrow, so fuck it.” He looked up at his dark-haired friend from the shadow his woven beanie cap made over his dark olive green eyes.

Link could feel sweat beading under his heavy bangs. He eyed the strange piece of paper with the same nervous tension one wears when they’re about to stick their hand into a hole, not knowing what strange and possibly frightening things he was about to feel.

“Link, relax man,” he smiled. “You’ll feel better if we do it together.”

Something about the connotation of Rhett’s statement somehow made Link feel both more comfortable and more nervous about doing acid with his best friend. He took the tab from Rhett’s fingers and, before he allowed himself to change his mind, immediately stuck the tab under his tongue. “Fuck it,” Link winced with the tab in his mouth.

“Holy crap—” Rhett’s eyes bulged, and he went ahead and did the same. “Not even a countdown, you coulda warned me!”

“Too late,” Link blurted. “Oh God, it’s dissolving.”

“Just relax and breathe…” The bearded one went ahead and climbed into the clawfoot bathtub and sat back. “In...and out…just breathe, man.”

Link could still feel his heart jump through his chest. He sat down on the toilet seat and buried his face in his hands. He tried to ignore the sensation of the tablet disintegrating under his tongue and instead focused on the sound of Rhett breathing. It was oddly soothing. After what felt like an eternity, Link turned and saw Rhett with his eyes closed, head tilted back on the edge of the tub, with an utter look of serenity behind his bushy beard. He looked like a lumberjack satisfied with a long day of work—except, knowing who they were, neither of them would’ve known what a long day of actual work would be like. Link chuckled. Rhett’s face didn’t move a muscle, but his steady breathing continued. It started to worry Link after another minute.

“Is it hitting you yet?” Link asked.

“Nah. I’m just glad to be here, brother. Loosen up.”

Link’s shoulders drooped as if they “loosened” on command. He sat slouched on the toilet seat and stared at the white tiles until they started to look strange.

“Dude?” Link’s hand went flying and groping for some part of Rhett’s body for support. “I think it’s starting? The floor’s getting wavy? Rhett?”

Rhett’s eyes were intently glued to the ceiling, but his pupils had become two large black pools rimmed with green. His mouth hung open in smile. “I’m tripping,” he said.

“What do you…?” Link started to ask his friend what he was seeing, but he soon saw things of his own.

Rings of rainbows like halos began to encircle Rhett and every shiny surface Link saw in the room. The tile floors soon began to pulsate sporadically, and the wave spread to everything else around him, until gradually the whole room started pulsing like a giant wave pool ripping through reality. “Ohhh my goodness…” Link held onto the wall to steady himself. Every time he closed his eyes, he started seeing the veins behind his eyelids flash like neon bulbs. Every breath started to sound like a whale song ringing in his ears, and his skin felt like tingling bubbles on top of a freshly poured coke.

“I feel weird,” Link smiled. He let a nervous laugh escape his lips; he could’ve sworn his laugh felt like a ghost floating from his mouth.

“Ain’t it great?” Rhett laughed breathily.

Link squinted at Rhett to see him more clearly through the haze. His friend’s hands looked tightly gripped around the edge of the bathtub. “Dude, you’re not loosened up,” Link giggled, and he went and reached to grab Rhett’s hand.

Rhett instantly recoiled his hand from Link’s touch. Link stumbled back—Rhett looked like a frightened child who’d just touched a hot stove. The patterns in Rhett’s hoodie started to crawl off the fabric like multicolored caterpillars, but Link tried not to be distracted by that.

“Do that again,” Rhett whispered.

“Do what?” Link craned his neck, visibly thrown off.

“Touch me, brother.”

The blush Link felt on his face felt hot enough to melt his face. He hesitated, but he eventually dropped his hand on Rhett’s.

Rhett gasped, his shoulders raised to his ears. “Oh my God…”

“ _What?_ ” Link asked helplessly.

“It feels so...good.” Rhett kept his eyes closed. He bit his lip. “Like I’m...electric.”

Link kept blushing so much his face did feel like it was melting. He suddenly felt his heart pump a fuzzy feeling through his veins like it was laughing gas. He moved his hand up Rhett’s arm and felt the hairy skin underneath his woven sleeve.

Rhett gasped again and bit his lip as if to shut himself up. “I’m so sensitive.”

Link giggled. “Dude, this is so weird.” His hands seemed to move on their own, and he leaned over and reached for Rhett’s face. His beard looked like a thorny bush that could grow vines at any second, and it fascinated Link.

“Don’t touch my face!” Rhett shouted, but it was too late. Link’s fingers were playing with Rhett’s beard like dough. No matter how much Rhett seemed to vocally protest, his face and his body seemed to be saying otherwise. Now Rhett could’ve been purring like an actual cat for all Link could tell while he was touching his friend’s face.

“Man…” Rhett whimpered.

Link’s hands continued to explore Rhett’s head and dug under his woven beanie cap. He eventually took it off and exposed his friend’s copious dirty blonde hair, which poofed up in thick, corn husk-like tufts that Link needed to touch. It was like he was feeling things for the first time, and Rhett was a cornucopia of strange and new sensations.

“Dude...” Rhett moaned. “Get in here.”

Link blinked. “Okay.” He didn’t even question it at this point. It was only after they were both riding the wave of whatever drug they took together did Link’s nerves subside and he stopped asking questions. They’d done crazier things while under the influence.

He’d never really been physically close with his buddy unless it was necessary (like riding in a crowded back seat, or camping in a small tent) but he guessed right now they were adding “tripping on acid” as one of those exceptions. He crawled into the bathtub—a very cozy-sized space for two tall men—and ended up laying on top of Rhett in a strange mess of legs and arms while Rhett kept holding onto the edges of the tub like it was a roller-coaster car. Rhett then readjusted his legs so that he was straddling Link from underneath, and the two took a moment to look at each other. Their faces were inches apart now, and their intermingled breaths smelled like a liquor store, but Link didn’t care. He was starting to get a better idea of what Rhett was feeling when he felt his friend’s racing heart thump against his own thumping chest.

“Now what?” Link asked. He kept blinking away all the vibrating rainbows and crazy visions that started to creep into his vision so he could keep looking at his friend’s face better. The ruddiness in Rhett’s cheeks made his face look like it was glowing.

Rhett smiled and kissed Link without a word.

Link yelped—but he kissed back. He felt like his face was hit with a tidal wave: an overwhelming sweetness spread from where their mouths began to massage each other’s lips, while Rhett’s beard tickled his skin and sent shivers through his face. This was definitely an anomaly for them, but with the drugs running through their systems, kissing Rhett felt right.

They kept kissing and tripping and seeing crazy things while they felt intensely through their lips. Link started to feel even more euphoric when his hands started to wander from Rhett’s face and across Rhett’s brawny body, and Rhett finally let go of the bathtub to touch Link, making the dark-haired dude’s skin feel like sparkling fireworks.

“Dude,” Link moaned and instinctively started grinding against his friend’s body.

Rhett made an obscenely arousing sound with his mouth, causing Link to grind more and Rhett to start moving his hips with Link’s. “Why haven’t we done this before?” Rhett struggled to ask.

Link put his hands on himself and felt the euphoria and pleasure surge. He felt so turned on and instantly in love with his best friend (and honestly, it wasn’t hard to normally feel that way for him sometimes, but the drugs were kicking in big time). His hands went down to his cargo shorts and unzipped them, releasing the pent up pressure he’d started to feel in his shorts. He let himself grind and felt the friction his boxers and Rhett’s jeans made feel even more explosive sensations that made him literally see stars and new geometric visions behind his eyes.

“Rhett,” he couldn’t help but moan.

He felt Rhett’s hands mess with his jean zipper, until he felt Rhett's equally hot length struggling to stay contained inside his purple underwear, which was already stained with precum. To Link, it looked even more arousing and ridiculous with the colors and patterns his eyes were seeing, and all he wanted was to rub himself against that.

His hips got to grinding again, and their combined heat was so intense, he thought he’d come right there and then. Link’s hands flew to Rhett’s face as his hips moved faster and thrust more deeply against Rhett’s throbbing length; Rhett looked completely helpless, his lips parted and his hair and beard equally disheveled, leaning his head back with his eyes shut. They saw and felt electricity and blooming flowers in galaxies while feeling themselves getting closer to climax.

“Fuck,” the bearded one hissed under his breath. “Oh God. Link—”

Rhett cried loudly and shuddered against Link’s continued thrusts. He came on his hoodie and kept shuddering and rocking his hips fitfully as Link kept going, holding onto the bathtub for support. The dark-haired one kept grinding a few more moments before he came inside his boxers.

“Oh…” Link whimpered. “Oh my goodness.” He bit his lip; he felt so euphoric he could cry. “Did that really happen? I hope it happened.”

“You okay?” Rhett’s hand stroked Link’s face. The sensation wasn’t as powerful anymore but still so incredibly tingly to Link.

“I...I feel amazing. I need a tissue.” He turned his head and spotted the toilet paper beside them, but he became so disoriented by the room tilting and shifting and changing colors, he shook his head and clung to Rhett. “I can’t get out. We’re on a boat, man.”

“Link, just—chill.” Rhett started to get up and struggled with a clinging Link. “Do you feel seasick?” he grinned, but he quickly frowned when he saw Link’s sincere panic. “Do we need to stay in the bathroom? We can move somewhere else, head back to the party, or leave if you wanna.”

“No…” Link held onto the bathtub, but it wasn’t the same. He held onto Rhett again, this time in a side hug.

“Why do you keep holding onto me?” Rhett asked with a smile, genuinely curious.

“Because I _need_ you right now,” Link whined. “The floor is a freaking lava lamp, and we gotta clean ourselves, but I don’t think I can stand straight to even get a square of toilet paper.”

Rhett laughed. The acid must not have been hitting him as hard, Link thought, or maybe his bearded friend just knew how to navigate a trip better. Either way, Rhett obliged and let Link hold his hand so they could raid the toilet paper.

“All better,” Link sighed. He still saw things crawling all over the walls, but he felt grounded once his eyes rested on Rhett. Rhett was an anchor and a tall glass of water to his tripping eyes. The bearded one was putting his beanie cap back on when he looked at Link and did a double take.

“What?” Link asked.

“You were a lizard for a second,” Rhett smiled.

“Jeez,” Link laughed, “how are we gonna last out there?”

Rhett took Link’s hand and smiled. “Together,” he said. “God, that sounded cheesy. But seriously, man, you can hold onto me as much as you want.”

Link beamed.

The two dudes took baby steps down the stairs, avoiding any hallucinated obstacles on their way back into the party crowd. Link was holding onto Rhett, but soon they were both holding onto each other as if for warmth. The music sounded so alien and seemed to slow down in time, while everyone else around them moved with neon streaks trailing their every movement.

“Couch!” Rhett shouted.

Link spotted the couch next to the coffee table, which was riddled with red plastic cups and abandoned plates. It was a somewhat ornate couch with embroidered pillows and upholstery that seemed out of place and more fitting for French royalty, but their friend Grace did have her own eclectic taste. And oddly, no one else was sitting there.

Rhett dove for the cushions and sighed with relief. “I feel safe here.”

Link fell right onto the couch, filling the space in front of Rhett. “Oh yeah, this feels like heaven.” He shifted around and made himself more comfortable.

Link then felt Rhett’s arm slither across his body and hold him against Rhett’s body. The dark-haired dude gasped: he realized he had made himself the little spoon. But Link felt himself gradually relax in his friend’s embrace, his mouth hanging open as if in a stupor. All the colors in the room were swirling in an indecipherable painting of technicolor splotches now, and all that was real was his best friend spooning him on the couch.

Link smiled. “Dude.”


End file.
